We used to be an extremely close knitted family. I got the privilege to be raised by the best grandparents anyone can ever ask for. My grams was the matriarch of our family she was the knitting needle that stuck us all together. 1996 she passed away after fighting cancer again and this time the nasty thing beat her but not that i saw her complain once. I was younger when she had breast cancer it wasn't as dramatic not that serious when you don't comprehend enormity yet. 1996 changed that, and me entirely also. She was my entire world and now nearly 32 a lifetime of lives later i realise how blessed i was and how i wish i grasped that lifetimes ago. Death expected or not it doesn't hurt any less either way. My tight family disappeared, no more Christmas, No more easter, no more knitting, baking, playing and growing with my cousin's, no more family home, no more teacher, no more piano, formal lounge deserted. No more smiling for silly photos, no more to water bottle in my bed, no more prays, no more back up. She gave me the best start to a shitty childhood anyone could ask for, Headed 1000% down the right path, right frame of mind etc but looking back being with the entire family did kept all the doubt and negativity away, i belonged despite where and who i lived with daily Grandma and Grandpa always had me feeling loved and cared about. when she died she took my place in this world with her. Anyone other than my Gramps has affected my life since in a negative way at some point, let me down when i really needed them, criticise at my weakest moments or reinforce my mistake rather than help me learn not to do that again and that no matter what everyone makes mistakes no one is perfect. I miss my cousins and i hanging out after school and i miss catching up with the rest when we have a family get together. eating laughing happy family.
1996 november ensure Christmas wouldn't be enjoyable that year, but i looked forward to family. That memory of family died that year, the innocence she was protecting died to with no=one protecting it anymore. It ensured my father's coping mechanism was alcohol forever and that he'd rather trash himself than deal with life anymore.
I watched my poor heartbroken Gramps grow old without his love, his best friend, I was there though, at night sometimes to see the loneliness make my heart break. I've been there more than anyone else in this family by surname and relation. I'm one of the only ones who wanted to be there and help i owed them my life, and still do. there once was a family of brothers, sisters, cousins and kids, after grams it was Dad, and I and Gramps. Aunties, Uncles, cousins all disappeared.
I forgot all about them as i finished high school, Gramps huge house that wasn't huge with all of us there got to much to maintain for gramps but dad and i just visited more once we moved out. My childhood home and all the memories all gone now, town houses instead. I was the youngest in the family beside Matt and Shell, I'd love to hear from the grown up ones who still remain invisible and ask if this family meant as much to them as it did to me!
After the last 3 years i have endured and Gramps as well i thought that once so tight knit bunch would rally around Gramps and Dad at least and protect them but no after so many years growing up in a different life and time. i should of known better but that inner child bit me fair and square in the bum when i wast watching.
Anyway enjoy if its your thing or don't but i loved every sec of the arthritis i given myself from the hours spent alone doing this.
Gramps, your my hero and you are the best person i know and love.