My heartache

Oh my gosh how my heart still aches like no time has passed. The loss of you is still so holding over my everyday life...I can't even start to mourn..I can't even except your death. Everytime I try to deal I can't breathe! I can't face it I have a panic attack..I've never felt this much of a loss before. People say she wouldn't want you to be sad and cry over her, so then I feel like I'm doing something wrong..like I'm letting you down.. It hurts so bad and I have no clue how to deal with this. I feel like we let you down. We should have saved you..you were dying and we were on the phone trying to figure out if we could schedule in time to go to the hospital to see you. When we didn't know how bad thing really were..How awlful am I...I am so sorry we didn't save you. I knew death we looming over us...I just didn't know it was yours....I was hoping all the death was done..We had just lost our precious Jill and her little baby Kensey..We were picking the girls up from you after you keeped them so we could go to their funeral..I think you knew how beat up I was..you kissed me goodbye in a way you never had before..you put your hand on my face and looked me in the eye with love and the look of concern..giving me your love to help me through..we said goodbye for the last time...Eight days later you left our lives..you were hurting and scared...This year I will be sitting right beside you when it becomes a year that you lost your life ..you will not be alone..I love you so much and ache for the loss of you everyday..I Love you Sue Sue....your Toots

Please feel free to leave you love,thought, or even maybe healing grief for this wonderful woman.