Genealogy Humor

Actually, Abijah is from the Bible.....as are very many of the names that we find.....some like Joshua, used over and over......some exotic, like Zorrababble. (I have a few of those)

23rd Psalm for Genealogists

Genealogy is my Past time

I shall not stray

It maketh me to lie down

And examine half-buried tombstones

It leadeth me into still courthouses

It restoreth my Ancestral Knowledge

It leadeth me into the Paths of Census Records

And ships Passenger lists for my names sake

Yes, though I wade through the Shadows of Research Libraries

and Microfilm Readers

I shall fear no Discouragement

For a Strong urge is with me

The curiosity and Motivation

They comfort me

It demandeth preparation of Storage Space

For the Acquisition of Countless Documents

It annointeth my Head with burning Midnight Oil

My family Group sheet runneth over

Surely birth, marriage and death dates

Shall follow me all the Days of my Life

And I shall dwell in the House of a 

Family History Seeker Forever.

Very good....Hope noone hoots about it being non-PC

Grandma Climbed The Family Tree

There’s been a change in Grandma, we’ve noticed as of late
She’s always reading history, or jotting down some date.
She’s tracing back the family, we’ll all have pedigrees,
Grandma’s got a hobby, she’s Climbing the Family Tree...

Poor Grandpa does the cooking, and now, or so he states,
He even has to wash the cups and the dinner plates.
Well, Grandma can’t be bothered; she’s busy as a bee,
Compiling genealogy for the Family Tree.

She has not time to baby-sit, the curtains are a fright.
No buttons left on Grandpa’s shirt, the flower bed’s a sight.
She’s given up her club work, the serials on TV,
The only thing she does now days is climb the Family Tree.

The mail is all for Grandma, it comes from near and far.
Last week she got the proof she needs to join the DAR.
A monumental project - to that we all agree,
A worthwhile avocation - to climb the Family Tree.

There were pioneers and patriots mixed with our kith and kin,
Who blazed the paths of wilderness and fought through thick and thin.
But none more staunch than Grandma, whose eyes light up with glee,
Each time she finds a missing branch for the Family Tree.

To some it’s just a hobby, to Grandma it’s much more.
She learns the joys and heartaches of those who went before.
They loved, they lost, they laughed, they wept -- and now for you and me,
They live again in spirit around the Family Tree.

At last she’s nearly finished, and we are each exposed.
Life will be the same again, this we all suppose.
Grandma will cook and sew, serve crullers with our tea.
We’ll have her back, just as before that wretched Family Tree.

by Virginia Day McDonald, Macon, GA

Never finished

Fay, you are right about NEVER being finished. The family obviously is unfamiliar with the challenges of genealogy & how habit forming & addicting it becomes!!!

I got a message earlier today from a favorite curator who is helping with a profile I was having some problems with. After clarifying what I needed the curator to do, I spent the next 8 hours working up the line from that person--adding info to my computer system that I found here and to the profiles from internet sources. Finally had to draw a line in the sand and say my brain needed a rest--so hard to find a place to stop!!!--one of those "Just another few minutes..." & next thing you know your feet are swollen & it is 4 hours later!!! On top of that I did a merge that created more problems for the curator that is helping me :-( !!! (It Changed a 10th ggf to 10th great uncle--oh, my!!!) I have a headache!!!

DEAR DEAD RELATIVE

There isn't a thing I wouldn't give upon this lovely, glorious earth to find your name and place of birth. To find your parents and siblings too and learn a little bit of you. To find even the smallest trace of your final resting place.

To learn how your lived and how you died. Where did you marry your blushing bride? How did you earn your daily bread? And where did you rest your weary head? Was your life the one of ease, or work 'round the clock? Were you born of nobility or plain peasant stock? Was your life full of joy or deepest heartaches? Was it a life of success or sad mistakes?

These are the questions that plague my brain. Causing sleepless nights and headache pain. These are the questions I must confess, I think of constantly and about which I obsess. 'Cause over twenty tedious years I have spent trying to find out where you went. But for all my hard work, my results are nil, for dear, dead relative you elude me still!

By Bernice A. Breault/Courtesy of Dorothy McDonald

Ancestry and Roots ~ Quotes 1 - 10

1. We all grow up with the weight of history on us. Our ancestors dwell in the attics of our brains as they do in the spiraling chains of knowledge hidden in every cell of our bodies. ~ Shirley Abbott



2. Distinguished ancestors shed a powerful light on their descendants, and forbid the concealment either of their merits or of their demerits.
 ~ Gaius Sallustius Crispus



3. Our ancestors ... possessed a right, which nature has given to all men, of departing from the country in which chance, not choice has placed them.
 ~ Thomas Jefferson


4. Our ancestors ... were laborers, not lawyers. ~ Thomas Jefferson



5. ...then he slept with his ancestors...
 ~ Bible: Hebrew, 1 Kings 14:20.



6. Do not remove the ancient landmark that your ancestors set up. ~ Bible: Hebrew, Proverbs 22:28




7. The reverence for the deeds of our ancestors is a treacherous sentiment. Their merit was not to reverence the old, but to honor the present moment; and we falsely make them excuses of the very habit which they hated and defied. ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson




8. Crafts make us feel rooted, give us a sense of belonging and connect us with our history. Our ancestors used to create these crafts out of necessity, and now we do them for fun, to make money and to express ourselves. 

~ Phyllis George





9. Man is physically as well as metaphysically a thing of shreds and patches, borrowed unequally from good and bad ancestors, and a misfit from the start. 
~ Ralph Waldo Emerson 




10. The equilibrium you admire in me is an unstable one, difficult to maintain. My inner life was split early between the call of the Ancestors and the call of Europe, between the exigencies of black-African culture and those of modern life. ~ Leopold Senghor



Ancestry and Roots ~ 11-20

11. If you think that nobility consists of having sixteen ancestors rather than merit, great Prince, then you may—and you may also praise or condemn me.
 ~ Franz Grillparzer



12. Not only does democracy make every man forget his ancestors, but also clouds their view of their descendants and isolates them from their contemporaries. Each man is forever thrown back on himself alone, and there is danger that he may be shut up in the solitude of his own heart. ~ Alexis de Tocqueville


13. Our ancestors are very good kind of folks; but they are the last people I should choose to have a visiting acquaintance with. ~ Richard Brinsley Sheridan 



14. Clay. It’s rain, dead leaves, dust, all my dead ancestors. Stones that have been ground into sand. Mud. The whole cycle of life and death. ~ Martine Vermeulen




15. What passes for identity in America is a series of myths about one’s heroic ancestors. It’s astounding to me, for example, that so many people really seem to believe that the country was founded by a band of heroes who wanted to be free. That happens not to be true. What happened was that some people left Europe because they couldn’t stay there any longer and had to go someplace else to make it. They were hungry, they were poor, they were convicts. ~ James Baldwin



16. I will never accept that I got a free ride. It wasn’t free at all. My ancestors were brought here against their will. They were made to work and help build the country. I worked in the cotton fields from the age of seven. I worked in the laundry for twenty-three years. I worked for the national organization for nine years. I just retired from city government after twelve-and-a-half years. ~ Johnnie Tillmon


17. Tradition means giving votes to the most obscure of all classes—our ancestors. It is the democracy of the dead. Tradition refuses to submit to the small and arrogant oligarchy of those who merely happen to be walking around.
 ~ Gilbert Keith Chesterton



18. People will not look forward to posterity, who never look backward to their ancestors. ~ Edmund Burke



19. I have no doubt that it was a principle they fought for, as much as our ancestors, and not to avoid a three-penny tax on their tea; and the results of this battle will be as important and memorable to those whom it concerns as those of the battle of Bunker Hill, at least. ~ Henry David Thoreau 




20. A poem is like a person. Though it has a family tree, it is important not because of its ancestors but because of its individuality. The poem, like any human being, is something more than its most complete analysis. Like any human being, it gives a sense of unified individuality which no summary of its qualities can reproduce; and at the same time a sense of variety which is beyond satisfactory final analysis. ~ Donald Stauffer

Jack's Will

Jack has died. His lawyer is standing before the family and reads Jack's last will and testament: 



"To my dear wife Esther, I leave the house, 50 acres of land, and one million dollars. To my son Barry, I leave my big Lexus and the Jaguar. To my daughter Suzy, I leave my yacht and $250,000. And to my brother-in-law Jeff, who always insisted that health is better than wealth, I leave my sun lamp."

"Heredity", A Genealogy Poem
I saw a duck the other day
It had the feet of my Aunt Faye.
Then it walked, was heading South.
It waddled like my Uncle Ralph.

And when it turned, I must propose,
Its bill was formed like Aunt Jane's nose.
I thought, "Oh, no! It's just my luck,
Someday I'll look just like a duck."

I sobbed to Mom about my fears,
And she said, "Honey, dry your tears.
You look like me, so walk with pride.
Those folks are all from Daddy's side."

HELP!!! I hope there are some of you better at figuring out relationships than I seem to be. This was a REAL challenge for me & I didn't do so well!

I put this in the Discussion on 5/28, but didn't get any responses. I didn't have the relationships figured out for all of them at that time, so didn't put any answers. I have since attempted to figure out how these 15 people would be related to "me". I will include the answers I came up with, but I had many I was unsure of, hence those with ???'s. I sent this to another Geni friend in the hopes she could help in coming up with the relationships. We apparently disagreed on about half of them, sooooooo I am asking for help from all who may read this. (Figuring relationships is one of the reasons I really like Geni--it does it for me, correctly most of the time...)

Oh, she came up with a couple of relationships she wondered if they were even possible. Is there such a person as a grandfather-in-law and a great niece-in-law?????????? (Don't know which ones those went with... as she hasn't sent me her answers yet... she wanted to go over her answers more.)

Ok, Here is the "Game" and the answers I came up with. Keep in mind you want the relationship TO YOU!!! Forget the time element in figuring these out as some of the "relationships" are rather convoluted. (If you want to be a show off, you could time yourself & indicate how long it took you to figure these out... haha!!!) I don't even want to say how long it took me to even come up with these answers...

A Genealogy Game

How fast can you name these 15 relationships to YOU?

1. Father's brother's uncle's sister?

2. Grandmother's nephew's daughter?

3. Aunt's mother's father's wife?

4. Mother's aunt's grandson?

5. Brother's son's sister's mother?

6. Cousin's aunt's daughter's brother's?

7. Sister-in-law's father-in-law's grandson?

8. Sister's father's stepson's mother?

9. Uncle's father's only grandchild?

10. Brother-in-law's wife's grandmother's husband?

11. Uncle's father's mother's husband?

12. Aunt's mother's granddaughter's only sibling?

13. Granddaughter's brother's mother's mother-in-law?

14. Niece's father's only brother?

15. Aunt's husband's sister's daughter?

Answers:
1. My Aunt
2. My 2nd cousin
3. My great grandmother
4. My 2nd cousins once removed???
5. My Brother’s wife/my sister-in-law
6. My brother???
7. My nephew
8. My father’s 2nd wife??? (my stepmother?)
9. me???
10. My grandfather
11. My great grandfather
12. me???
13. ???
14. My brother???
15. me???

How many of you are willing to accept the challenge of figuring the above relationships??? The Answers are the ones I came up with, but I am not sure how accurate they are. I hope a number of you are willing to interrupt your more serious genealogy work and work on this. Not knowing the answers is driving me nuts!!! I hope that some of you will be able to "fill in the blanks"!!!
Pat

Isn't there several answers on those questions which involves an uncle or aunt since they can be a married-in uncle/aunt?

I think you got 1. wrong, should be great aunt

13 is either you or not really a relation... your daughter's mother-in-law

9 could be you or ... sorry lunch is over!

Alex, you are right, the 1st one should be my GREAT aunt, NOT my aunt.
#9: Me
#13: My daughter's mother-in law

Hip, hip hurray, I now have 3 confirmed answers! Thanks Alex.
Will keep adding to my master list of answers and give them when I have all of the answers. Please keep coming with the answers (esp those with ???'s; it would be nice to know that those w/o are right also.)

Bjorn, you are right about those aunts/uncles -- they could be married into the family. How is that going to affect the relationship as their spouse is the actual relative???

I think #15 is My 1st cousin. (My aunt's husband would be my dad's brother, thus their sister's dtr would be my 1st cousin, right???)

Umm, i don't quite understand what's happening.
If you really want to know, why not just add them to the tree and Geni will tell you the relationship.

1) Great aunt or your great uncles wife's sister.
2) Second cousin or simply grandmother and/or her husbands great niece
3) Many answers, but since the expression father's wife usually is a step-mother (or else she would be the mother) it would be grandmothers step-mother / great grandfathers wife or aunts grandfathers wife if she is a married-in aunt.

etc

Keep in mind, the relationships are how these people are related TO ME.
Here is what I have come up with so far. Is my "chain" right???

My Answers: (** Verified here in Geni Discussion, so far)
1. (My Father's brother's uncle's sister?) = My Great Aunt (**) (My father & his brother; their uncle & my grandfather’s sister = My great aunt)
2. (My Grandmother's nephew's daughter?) = My 2nd cousin (My grandmother’s sister/brother’s/my great aunt/uncle’s son’s/my 1st cousin 1x removed’s dtr = My 2nd cousin)
3. (My Aunt's mother's father's wife?) = My great grandmother

Have a question: What are my grandfather's siblings called? Are they my GREAT Aunt/uncle or my GRAND aunt/uncle??? Or either one???

These are the answers I came up with for #4, 5 & 6. Is my logic on the right tract??? Keep in mind who ever is figuring the relationship is the "ME"...

4. (Mother's aunt's grandson?) = "My" 2nd cousin (My mother’s Aunt=my great aunt’s grandson = 2nd cousin)

5. (My Brother's son's sister's mother?) = "My" Brother’s wife or "my" sister-in-law

6. (My Cousin's aunt's daughter's brother's?) = My brother (???) (1st cousin’s aunt/my mother’s dtr/”Me” (if male) or my brother—since I am female/ps)

Clarification on #6:

6. (My Cousin's aunt's daughter's brother's?) = "My" brother (or "me" if the person doing the figuring is male) (1st cousin’s aunt or my mother’s; her dtr would be me or my sister's brother = ”Me” (if male) or "my" brother—since I am female/ps)

To give your minds a break from the Genealogy Game... Here is a little humor that you may have seen before. Even if seen before, you can't help chuckle when you re-read it. It is sooooooo true... We do things w/o really knowing the "Whys" sometimes!!!

Cooking a Roast

One day a little girl was watching her mom make a roast beef. She cut off the ends, wrapped it in string, seasoned it and set it in the roasting pan.
The little girl asked her mom why she cut off the ends of the roast. Mom replied, after some thought, that it was the way that her mother had done it.
That night grandma came to dinner and the little girl and her mom went to her and asked why she had cut the end off of the roast before cooking. After some thought grandma replied, that was the way her mother had done it.
Now great grandmother was quite old and in a nursing home. But the little girl went with her mom and grandma to see her and again asked the question.
Grandma looked at them a bit annoyed and said, "So it would fit in the pan, of course."

Hehehe :)

Here is what I came up with for #7, 8, & 9. Have I gotten them right???

7. Sister-in-law's father-in-law's grandson? = My nephew (or my son) (My sister-in-law’s father-in-law or my father’s grandson = my son or my siblings son)

8. Sister's father's stepson's mother? = My father’s 2nd wife or my stepmother (My Sister & my father’s stepson’s (child from prior marriage) mother = my father’s 2nd wife)

9. Uncle's father's only grandchild? = Me (**) (My uncle’s father/my grandfather’s only grandchild would be me; assumes no children from my father, & any aunts/uncles)

This if for a chuckle or two...

How Adam Got Eve

Adam was hanging around the Garden of Eden feeling very lonely.

So, God asked him, "What's wrong with you?"

Adam said he didn't have anyone to talk to.

God said that He was going to make Adam a companion and that it would be a woman.

He said, "This pretty lady will gather food for you, she will cook for you, and when you discover clothing, she will wash it for you.

She will always agree with every decision you make and she will not nag you, and will always be the first to admit she was wrong when you've had a disagreement.

She will praise you!

She will bear your children.

And never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to take care of them.

"She will NEVER have a headache and will freely give you love and passion whenever you need it."

Adam asked God, "What will a woman like this cost?"

God replied, "An arm and a leg."

Then Adam asked, "What can I get for a rib?"

Of course the rest is history.... !!!!

Send to all the women who need a good laugh and the men you think can handle it.

Here is something I hope you NEVER encounter!!! Would this make you thankful (sometimes???) for the challenges you DO have???????

Genealogy Nightmare 



My daughter never married but she's lived with Joe, so long,
And they and the kids are so happy that somehow, it doesn't seem wrong.

My son, he was legally married but his wife kept her own name.
We don't know the name of our grandkids but, we love everyone, just the same.

But, my sister, she really got married, she 'tied the knot' all seven times.
Her family could pass for a railroad with the crossing of so many lines!

My brother, well, he was adopted, but he found his natural kin,
And our family tree is just 'blooming' like a wild and monstrous thing.

I try to keep things in order every one, a place of their own,
But what shall I do about Father, he says, "He's really a clone!"

E.H. Waldram

Whew.

Would need a whole new color coding system

Alright I know there are a lot of us "baby boomers" out there. Here is a "test" for you. I have answers for this one that I will post tomorrow just in case you find a few that cause you to scratch your head. For those of a younger generation, how well would you do???

Baby Boomer Quiz
1) After the Lone Ranger saved the day and rode off into the sunset, the grateful citizens would ask “Who was that masked man?” Invariably someone would answer, “I don’t know, but he left this behind.” What did he leave behind? _________________________________
2) When the Beatles first came to the US in early 1964, we all watched them on The ___________________________ Show.
3) “Get your kicks on _________________________.
4) The story you are about to see is true. The names have been changed to ______________________.
5) “In the jungle, the might jungle _______________________________________________.”
6) After the Twist, the Mashed Potato, and the Watusai, we “danced” under a stick that was lowered as low as we could go in a dance called the “_______________________.”
7) Nestle’s make the very best… ___________________________________.
8) Satchmo was America’s “Ambassador of Goodwill.” Our parents shared this great jazz trumpet player with us. His name was ______________________________________.
9) What takes a licking and keeps on ticking? _________________________
10) Red Skelton’s hobo character was named: ______________________________ and Red always ended his TV show by saying: “Good Night and __________________________________.”
11) Some Americans who protested the Vietnam War did so by burning their _____________________
12) The cute little car with the engine in the back and trunk in the front was called the VS. What other names did it go by? ___________________________ & __________________________.
13) In 1971, Singer Don MacLean sang a song about ‘The day the music died.” This was a trubute to: ________________________________________.
14) We can remember the first satellite placed into orbit. The Russians did it. It was called: _______________________.
15) One of the big fads of the ‘50’s & ‘60’s was a large plastic ring that we twirled around our waist. It was called the ________________________________.
16) Remember LS/MFT? It means: __________________ _______________/ ____________ _______________________ _______________________
17) Hey Kids! What time is it? It’s ________________ __________________ ________________!
18) Who knows what secrets lie in the hearts of men? The ___________________ knows!

Going back to that Relation test. Here are the answers I came up with for the last of them # 10-15. See if you agree with my "chain" & logic for the answers.

10. Brother-in-law's wife's grandmother's husband? = My grandfather (My sister’s grandmother’s husband= my grandfather)
11. Uncle's father's mother's husband? = My great grandfather (my uncles father = my grandfather’s mother = my great grm’s husband = my ggf)
12. Aunt's mother's granddaughter's only sibling? = Me, My Brother or Sister (My aunt’s mother/my grandmother’s granddtr (could be me or my sister)’s only sibling = Me, my brother or sister)
13. Granddaughter's brother's mother's mother-in-law? = My daughter’s mother-in-law (**) (My granddaughter’s brother/my grandson’s mother’s/my dtr’s mother-in-law)
14. My Niece's father's only brother? = My brother (Nieces' father/my brother’s brother = my brother)
15. Aunt's husband's sister's daughter? = My 1st Cousin (My aunt’s husband would be my dad’s brother, thus their sister’s dtr would be my 1st Cousin.)

Pat

#1.Silver Bullet
#2. Ed Sullivan
#Route 66
#Protect the Innocent
#Lion sleeps tonight
#Limbo
#Chocholate
#Louis Armstrong
#Buleva
#Klemm Kiddlehopper
#God Bless
#bras
#Buddy Holly, The Big Booper,Richie Valens
#Beetle
#Telstar
#Lucky Strike Means Find Tobacco
#Howdy Dowdy Time
#The Shadow