Using Geni for cyber stalking and harrassing by other users - how to stop this behavior?

Randy Schoenberg could you help with this thanks. I am trying to stay clear of this

Thank you Michael. I know you are not the only one who has noticed, as it is becoming very predictable and unwanted.

As to: "when I am addressed on various discussions, this user posts to my replies"
I would say there are definitely times Michael qualifies in this regard to my Posts -- and yes, he has definitely done so at times in a way that is demeaning.
But since he seems to oscillate back and forth between being demeaning and laudatory, it is clearly not the equivalent of your situation.
And there is a Curator who also seems to regularly jump in when I am asking or commenting - and often ends up de-railing the discussion I was trying to have, and basically keeping others from saying anything as we appear to be having a private war - I believe due to good intentions but just looking at the world in a totally different slant from what I am trying to discuss. Majorly frustrating, and at times I do wonder if purposely sabotaging me.

So I will be very interested in anything you find out with regard to this.

The part that seems possibly actionable is
" behaves in a manner that is demeaning towards me" -- I think that is definitely a violation of the Terms of Service, and it would be totally acceptable for you to Report the Person for such behavior (I think you can do so by clicking on their name in Blue in a Discussion where they post, then click on "Actions" on their profile, and then click "Report" in the drop-down menu - but am not totally clear on that.)

You could also click on "Report" on their demeaning comments in the Discussions - BUT this will freeze the Comment so they cannot even delete it, and not sure it ever results in Customer Service looking at the comment, so tread cautiously with regard to that (if a Curator, as opposed to a Basic or Pro user, reports the comment, it gets hidden till evaluated - as opposed to frozen and always visible!)

For anyone in that situation who is a Pro User, they could also open a Ticket and ask Customer Service to look into it -- tho I have no idea how productive that might be.

To Stop Someone from "Following" you on Geni - believe you can do that by "Blocking" them - and then either 'unblock' or leave blocked.

When you say "reporting this behavior does not seem to help" - was that clicking on "Report" on the Demeaning Discussion Comment, or clicking "Report" from Actions on his Profile, or ???

i'm not perfect But I've cleaned up my act for the most part as of late.

Mike Stangel Erica Howton Justin and every one else I think this is a good discussion for you guys to have because Granted some times I screw up and when I do the last thing I want to do is be reminded of what I am trying to fix but lois is also right Other users Play a part as well. I just won't particapte on discussion boards anymore - they just don't want your thoughts and opinions I hav com to the conculsion - many just want to demoralize you and make you feel like an idiot. I have tried to ask for help for things.. And yes some times I am tired and come across nasty and yes I deserve every critisitism that lois and erica has given me privately has given me but today and lately I have been trying to make a change but does that matter no it doesnt to you guys. The discussion thread gets derailed allways doesn't matter who's driving the train of thought me or some one else it allways ends up off the tracks so to speak. " And there is a Curator who also seems to regularly jump in when I am asking or commenting - and often ends up de-railing the discussion I was trying to have, and basically keeping others from saying anything as we appear to be having a private war - I believe due to good intentions but just looking at the world in a totally different slant from what I am trying to discuss. Majorly frustrating, and at times I do wonder if purposely sabotaging me." Lois I agree with out naming names that we can all be better

I will not name who Jacqueli Charlene Finley has the issue with nor any one else but I think we all can do better as users and family... There are some traits about people on here that I do not like some come across as too agressive others just plain mean but because they are family i work with them in the name of colaberation and that's what it's all about at the end of the day is it not?

Re: " i work with them in the name of colaberation and that's what it's all about at the end of the day is it not?"

I wholeheartedly agree with this comment, Michael, well said.

Further to that point (not any other)

I feel like my slogan today is "less whining, more doing."

:)

I agree.. I was trying to look at jcf's line and help her out with a planagent name that i have some knoweldge of as well as understand her line in a previous discussion and some one took the thread and her to task which prompeted her and me to say why can't we get along with out tearing each other down. But that was yesterday and today we are on to somthing new.

Theresa Renée Eléna Tossas-Cox and i have been feeling some what disintrested lately.. I get that curators and family have their own attitudes and can be fine to get along with one day and the next throw a huge smash uncle mikeys glasses fit like my 2 year old nephew and it seems with out naming names that some grown adults that should honestly know better have been that way lately I don't like it but i accept it. that being said I think we can all do with out what is mentioned above by mrs finley it is becoming more and more common on here sadly.. With a well known line that Probley will never be settled to the satisfaction of every one involved but that's a long story for another time. I don't know what it is that causes people to fight like gladitators over sources and familes and other things honestly. We Must remember at that time it wasn't a democratic state when both woman and christians were denied rights and some times I feel like we are still a communist\dictaior\tyrant like state as much as a democratic one.. having put forth good ideas and being told no we don't do that or no it's not possible with out having some one take offense to it right now I am post the war of the roses time on a european project and focused on that and not on other issues.. I would how ever like to see this resolved because the issue that mrs finey is having is a constant theme here that we need less of. Maybe some one can explain to me why they have seem to have a one size fits all it's my way or the high way attiude on here? Because Blaming me for mistakes in my past Does not help at all.. In my expereince considerbily in the last few days this site seems to be addicited to toxic people drama and misery and while all those are pet peeves of mine they are all traits we and many people can work on no matter what day it is

The comments I got from mike s when I shared this seems to imply to me that this is a it's not our problem to play baby sitter all the time mood and I agree to disagree with it.. People have not been steping up to the plate when it is asked.. My self included..

I agree with erica on the topic of less whining more doing and so i'm going to move on and DO another dicussion about what can be done else where...

Private I appreciate you conveying your thoughts and feelings about the issue (BTW Finley is my maiden birth name :)) and I also have the highest regard for Erica Howton - why I started this discussion is not a babysitting, attitude, pet peeve, or whining about something issue - this is about a particular person (Geni user) who has been behaving in a manner of which I am unable to go about my business, participate in discussions, or enjoy working on Geni by myself or with others on profiles without this user making a point at posting comments directly at me, regardless the context of the issue, in a demeaning or condescending manner. This is only one aspect of this users behavior that is negative - and I probably am not the only person this user targets if they do not get their way. Blocking or reporting does not help, and perhaps the curators may or may not condone this users behavior - either way - "regardless" of opinions or prejudice, that behavior is wrong. Besides saying that I can leave Geni if I do not like it, there should be other solutions as actually enforcing that a user has no right to harass or cause harm to another user - period. This user should use discipline when feeling the need to cause disruptive behavior - period - and if she (or he) does not, then should be held accountable. The bottom line is that this is a genealogy social media site for all users to enjoy and give respect to all users lines and ancestry. Genealogy is personal - especially when it involves ancestors - and when others just view these ancestors as historic figures and not for the personal value that some have when they are a direct relation - there should be respect shown. Not one person here is perfect, and no one should appoint themselves as such. The user that I have this issue with does not give accountability, apology, respect, nor does this person EVER think that their opinion/behavior may be incorrect. I made this discussion over what I feel is a valid problem, not for it to be swept under a rug and dismissed. I have value in what I have contributed here for the last 8 years on Geni and I do not feel it is right for any person(s) to force me to leave, as I have in the past. I DO NOT go around harassing or hurting anyone - and never have - and it is not okay that I am targeted by person(s) that do this type of behavior to me and others, regardless who the curators like or do not like, this is NOT high school and a scene out of Mean Girls. Having genealogical differences of opinions and disagreements happens - but should not become a vendetta. That behavior is where it crosses the lines, and you all know the person I am referring to does just that, and gets away with disturbing behavior all the time. Maybe that other user should focus more on their own pedigree than worrying about everyone else's. I don't know what the fix is, but maybe this will get through to that user that bad behavior is not okay - Geni should care about their living users just as much as it does about it's deceased profiles.

Thank you.

I agree totally.. and I was off topic with my comments Just sharing that my exprience here has been the same as you just with diffrent users. I have been told before I can't post for two weeks because I opened my mouth and dropped a word you can't say on tv and geni held me accountable by revoking my rights to post for 2 weeks even though I took full accountiblity for it the accountibilty for making this a safe enviorment lies with all of us not just one user was the point i was trying to make and perhaps i distanced my self a little too far from the topic you had however the purpose was the same to say what can we as a team do about it...

Private I appreciate that.

anyway i'm going to stop for now and focus on a project of mine else where. I will say this though.. the pholosophy that we have to help all members solve issues here is helpfull but to a point.. there are some people that i avoid helping because I know that they will never change and its a sad fact that i have to make such a list

I'm Not sure how to aproach the issue.. I know the users will not change and I don't think repeated forcing works but who am I to enforce that... Hatte Blejer (absent until Nov 1) the wise could you private message me Maybe we could discuss this else where? I think the thread has gone on enough... it's up to that person to change and not us... And customer service well that's for them to decide on...

Private thank you - but this discussion was one I started, and I wish to keep it public and open - and I do not feel it is resolved. I appreciate your concern. Private messages? If someone wants to message me, I am okay with that - I am an adult and can be patient with responses. If you do not wish to participate or feel that all has been said - feel free to move on. TTUL

I really don't think geni or any one else cares anyway because I have nicely asked them before with out being a jerk and they have told me Police it your self if you have a problem which I strongly disagree with..

Jacqueli, you're in a tough position. Just about the only thing you can do is report each incident to Geni and hope the pattern becomes clear even if the individual incidents never quite cross the line.

I fully expect that working together on shared lines will put stress on even the best relationships at times, but you are describing something very different. You should not be in a position where you feel stalked or intimidated about participating.

Hi everyone, sorry for being a day late to this discussion. Let me add some clarity to Michael's statements first, and then I'll address the original issue. We do not "police" the discussions in the sense that we don't try to monitor every discussion in an attempt to find / act upon egregious behavior. We absolutely do act upon violations of our Terms of Use ( http://www.geni.com/company/terms_of_use ), which prohibit (among other things) offensive content, harassment of another person, defamatory or libelous content, invasions of privacy, and promotion of information that you know is false or misleading. Please understand that the Terms of Use are the closest thing a web site has to a contract with its users, and taking administrative action for behavior NOT forbidden by the TOU is an offense on the part of the company. For this reason much of the TOU is intentionally made with some "wiggle room" so that Customer Service can act within reason rather than have their hands tied. In that sense it's a lot like a constitution and a court. When we see users disagreeing with each other in discussions or elsewhere on the site, our first goal is to keep it civil. Some users object to allowing such disagreements to grind on, however there's nothing in our TOU that even allows us to intervene in cases where two or more users voluntarily continue to disagree without harassment, defamatory language, etc.

Having (hopefully) put that into perspective, Jacqueli Charlene Finley what we need from you before we can intervene, is for you to direct our attention to specific activity by this user that you feel violates our Terms of Use. You've leveled a claim of harassment, but the fact that someone always replies to your discussion messages does not qualify -- we have many users who take the time to read every single discussion thread, and it's their right to respond when they feel it's merited. As long as those replies do not violate our TOU, we are obligated to allow it to continue. If you have already made specific reports, please remind me where I can find those. If you have not yet pointed out specific messages / activity, feel free to PM those to me directly.

Thank you Justin Durand I know you are aware of the situation, and hopefully it discontinues. Mike Stangel I really appreciate your response, and I will shoot you a PM in the future if the pattern continues. I have to admit, yesterday was the first, in months, that I actually was able to participate in a discussion proactively without the interference that has been occurring - it was nice, for a change. At first - I did post, as in the past, awaiting the sarcastic remarks, but after an hour or two, I was able to relax and not be self-conscious about my posts. Perhaps privately this person was asked to knock it off, or maybe they got the message - either way, it was nice for a change.

I understand to agree to disagree is adult behavior - but the constant seeking out someone to belittle them is wrong. Thank you for understanding.

Jacqueli Charlene Finley I agree with Mike Stangel i don't see anything bad here about the user in question.. Yes some offensive stuff is in my eyes not ok but as mike said there is wiggle room.. A few ginger snap red head jokes allthough uncalled for and insulting doesn't cross the line if it were profanity or sexual then it might be a bit more in line with the offensive content and harrassment model... Messing with people's stuff well that's a gray area also..

It all boils down to the fine details on what we consider offensive.. I find some of the behavior rude obnoxious offensive and uncalled for and usally like you've done a warning does the trick. Some people don't find it offensive and it's within their rights to do so

Would think anything that qualifies as - "A few ginger snap red head jokes" which are clearly insulting - yes, that would qualify as crossing the line.

Terms -- VIII Content/Activity Prohibited
"1. is offensive or promotes racism, bigotry, hatred or physical harm of any kind against any group or individual;
2. harasses or advocates harassment of another person;"

Definitely not limited to "profanity or sexual". If it is offensive it is against the Terms of Service, per Section VIII - 1.

There is more then one things I disagree with management on there definition of offensive lols and you are right it does cross the line I was using that as a example of some stuff I have found on here.. I consider it offensive and have reported it but I,m told no it doesn't quilify under tile viii

and they can unfornately say not our problem even if i don't like it on a case by case basis

My suggestion would be for any person feeling they are being subjected to offensive comments to start compiling a file with, for each instance,
a) the link to the offensive comment [to get this, click on the date and time stamp next to it, then copy the URL that results]
b) a copy-and-paste of what was said and/or the offensive part within the comment, plus the date and who said it - possibly with the link/URL to that person's profile [this way, if the comment is deleted, you still have a record]
c) if you reported it, any response or lack thereof

[reporting by a non-Curator tends to freeze the comment - so I leave the choice to each individual whether they are hoping it will be deleted because it is so obnoxious, or left to condemn the poster]

Then re-read what you have -- is each individual post clearly offensive? If not, do you have a series of posts which together show someone being offensive - or ??

Then, if and when you have a nice clear compilation showing repeated offenses against you and/or obnoxious behavior towards you by the same person - if I am reading Mike correctly above, you can send him a PM, copying and pasting from your word-document where you compiled your info into the PM you send him (if someone else knows of a way to attach it, that would be great - am unaware of how to do that with a Geni-mail, so suggesting copying and pasting into it - and then go back thru to fix formatting some).

I agree. Not that it will make any diffrence cause It says right on the bottom of the tos Xi I think.. We are under no obligation, to monitor or resovle disputes between you and other Members.