About Me

• **scroll down for update***

It was a little over a year ago that I located and finally met, my birth mother.

Taking the test with 23andMe didn't seem to get me any closer to finding her, so I went directly to the Saskatchewan Post Adoption agency to see if I could get my original certificate of live birth and adoption orders. Shortly afterward I received the documents. My birth father's name was not on any of the forms, so I requested a search through them.

While I waited on a reply in regards to my birth dad, I worked on looking for my birth mom. According to the certificate of live birth, she was a permanent resident in Selkirk, Manitoba when she gave birth to me,... in Regina, Saskatchewan.

This brought up some more questions for me. It just seemed odd that someone from Manitoba would travel to Saskatchewan to have a baby as opposed to travelling to somewhere in their own province, like Winnipeg.

With the help of my partner, Lori, making some calls, we contacted a man named L. Paul in Selkirk. When she asked if he knew a (my mother) Paul, he said that she was his sister and that she lived up in (where she lives), Manitoba. He said that he had to find her number and that he would call back.

An agonizing few hours went by before the phone rang. He did call back and give us her number and her married last name.

Lori called the number because I was afraid of freezing up and backing out.

A woman answered the phone and Lori had asked if she had a child back in 1967 and that she was calling on behalf of that child. There was a long pause, which I could hear as I was sitting close, and she replied, "No, I'm sorry you have the wrong person...".

I have to say, I felt gutted. As Lori thanked her for her time and said goodbye, I sat silently. I felt heavy. So many thoughts and emotions swirled around as I processed what had just happened.

I'm pretty sure Lori was saying things to me, trying to console me, but there was too much filling my head to even acknowledge.

Later, I don't know how long it was, the phone rang. Lori answered the phone, and it was a man on the line. They spoke for a while. I don't remember exactly what was said, but I remember Lori telling me that we did reach the right person, but she was also reeling from the new development.

Lori tells me that I spoke to her that day, but to be honest, I can't remember the conversation.

We made a tentative plan to meet in about a week, after they broke the news of me to their daughters.

The meeting was such a beautiful thing! We drove for about 5 hours through beautiful autumn coloured forests. When we arrived, we were met by my birth mom and her husband, my step dad, as well as their 2 dogs.

They were kind of surprised when the one dog, who doesn't take well to strangers, approached me as if I were family. (even the grumpy and shy cat came to greet me after a while lol)

Much to my great surprise, they arranged a 'birthday party' for me to represent the past 52 years. My step dad built a rack with 52 balloons for me to pop, and within each balloon they somehow inserted things I would have received throughout the years! From baby booties to a little airplane bottle of booze.

I met my sisters and my brother in law, as well as their children and a couple of their children.

I instantly felt a connection to all of them. I felt a sense of comfort. Familiarity. I felt as though I've known these people my whole life although we've never met.

There were so many emotions in the few days I was there.

The day after the birthday party, I got to have some time just talking with my mom.

Through her, I've learned about what happened to my birth dad, why she chose to put me up for adoption, and most importantly, why my life turned out as it has. (to some extent)

With the information I received from my birth mom, I have been able to open windows which, for 53 years, have been closed to me.

Since our conversation, I've also met and spoken to some cousins on my birth father's side as well as one of my uncles.

Unfortunately, I've become frozen again due to circumstances which have, once again, derailed my brain. (as I refer to it)

In lieu of conversing with my new found families, I've been searching through the trees, basically avoiding conversations with anyone in general as my mind tries to process everything that has been and is going on.

What I've learned about the circumstances of my birth and adoption had shaken me to my core.

I want to share my story, but it will take some time.

Shortly after learning all of this, I learned of my daughter's liver cancer. She is in stage 4 as I type this. I'm glad I've been able to share this with her, and I am so very happy that she was able to meet my birth mom and step dad!!

• **Update***

Just a little over 1 year after meeting with my birth mother, she has passed away due to kidney failure. To say that I'm heartbroken is an understatement.

Due to current Covid restrictions there will be no service or funeral.

As much as I wish I would have found her sooner, I do feel blessed to have had the chance to meet her and get to know her. I'm so happy that my daughter was able to meet her as well.

In the short time that we had together, I had learned so much and had many questions answered.

She had told me that my birth father died before I was born in a tragic car accident. His car went over an unmarked embankment into a ravine and he was impaled by the steering wheel, killing him instantly.

The accident happened near father's day in June of 1966.

The most shocking thing to me, was when she told me that she was also in the car at the time.

My birth mother went into and over the dash and through the windshield of a pre-1966 vehicle. She told me that she had many broken bones. Her pelvis was shattered, ribs were broken, and her arm and jaw were broken as well. She had numerous operations and treatments and was basically unconscious for a number of weeks. The hospital staff didn't let her know that my birth dad had even died until after about 3 months.

It wasn't until after her release from the hospital that she had discovered she was pregnant.

I was born on March 11, 1967 after 40 weeks.

Basically, I was conceived just shortly before the accident.

For a full 40 weeks, my mother carried me in her broken and traumatized body. I can only imagine what kinds of painkillers and medications she would have been having to take during her pregnancy, not to mention the ones she received while being operated on in the hospital at that time.

Needless to say, she decided to put me up for adoption as she couldn't, in her state, raise a child as a single mother with little help.

She couldn't remember much from that time, but she remembered that she took a bus from her home in Manitoba to a hospital in Regina, Saskatchewan to have me. She doesn't know who arranged it or who paid for the trip.

Although this information answered so many questions for me, it also brought up more questions.

Why did she travel and entire province away to give birth to me?

Why, if she knew who he was, wasn't my birth father's information on the birth certificate?

Why was the information of her being in this accident not included in the non-identifying information sheet from the adoption agency? (one would think it would be pertinent to inform the adoptive parents-to-be that this child may be a bit off)

• ** to be continued soon... ***

HUGE UPDATE!!! BIG PLOT TWIST!! SURPRISING DEVELOPMENT!!

It would appear, based on recently linked DNA matches, that my birth father is NOT the birth father named by my birth mother, at the time of my birth. The source material I had received from Post Adoption Services, regarding the identity of my birth father is wrong.

My birth father is alive and well, and I have been in contact with him, thanks to locating and connecting with my half sister via FTDNA.

Based on these new developments, I'm currently working on revising my trees on all of the sites I have an account with.

I'm both overwhelmed, and excited by these new revelations.

• More to come*